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Types of people at workplace

Having completed almost one year at work, I have managed to get a reasonable insight into the different types of people one can see at work.

Disclaimer: For simplicity, I’m going to refer to the people primarily in masculine gender in this entry. Feminists and women, please don’t bite my head off for lack of equality.

These categories apply to both men and women, and have been taken from real life instances. Any resemblance to your profile or characteristics need not be entirely coincidental.

So here goes.

The Donkey

The donkey, as the name depicts, takes up an extraordinary amount of work during the first month at the company in order to impress the team lead or manager. It inadvertently leads to the upper management taking it for granted and piling work on it for the rest of the tenure. Donkey doesn’t complain, but knows it shouldn’t be taking up so much work. As a result, donkey misses many outings and opportunities to hang out with friends and colleagues. “In the end, good work is what counts, you know?” laments donkey, knowing excuses are the only option now.

Sure, pin the blame on the donkey.

The Hot Head

Takes even small things very seriously and attacks people with vigour. Is a madcap who jumps on people and things without hearing them out. Advantages include never getting the blame, as people generally stay away or are afraid to pin things down on him. “In last month’s darts competition, he almost tore the board down with the darts. He clearly wasn’t happy with one of his teammates” says a participant who doesn’t want to be mentioned. People would also generally decline working with him. Not a team player.

The Micro-manager

Keeps track of every minute of what every employee under them does, and judges them for it. “Didn’t let me leave at 6pm today only because I came later than him” fumes a subordinate.  Also, never dare open Facebook or YouTube in the vicinity of the micro-manager. Want to impress him? Be on the lookout and switch tabs to email or programming tools when you see him with the corner of your eyes.

'Why aren't you working?' - 'I didn't see You coming!'

The Work Deflector

Comes up with an excuse almost always to deflect the work or not take it up. Even Andhra superstars don’t deflect bullets on screen better than him. But the best part about him is, he makes those excuses sound genuine; he portrays having other tasks on his plate. If he’s a team lead, everybody wishes to work under him. Because if your superior has only so much work, the likelihood of it getting passed on to you is low.

The Smart Worker

The time he spends on work notwithstanding, does it to perfection with utmost dedication. At times, relieves or aides his colleagues by offering his expertise on the subject. Being the candidate who every company wants, he would be having grand plans of working up the corporate ladder, and beam with pride every time his company name is mentioned in any circle outside work.

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The I don’t give a shit Guy

Comes to work late, leaves early, never at his desk, although mostly completes given work on time. If at all he stays late, it would be because his monthly WiFi limit is done at home and he wants high speed internet. Not very popular among higher ups due to his nonchalance. Frets over lack of congenial atmosphere, and has the I deserve better than this attitude. “Where is this guy today? His laptop is here but he seems to be missing”. “He’s on the phone with his girlfriend again, on the stairwell” would be a regular conversation between two of his colleagues in the adjacent cubicle.k15104950

The Time Passer

Comes to work on time, leaves on time, poses perfectly like he’s working, but doesn’t do as much work. Has a good image among juniors, upper management and peers. The catch is, he’s got bigger or other future plans, and doesn’t plan to stay in this company for long. Lives by the they pay me well, and I work enough to merit my salary mantra. Very delusional. Thinks he can do a lot better than where he is already, but ends up staying at the company for a lot longer than anticipated.

The Boss

Knows perfectly well how to get what kind of work done out of people. The company ticks because of him. People revere him and hate him at the same time. “Going for a holiday tomorrow morning? No problem, finish it by 11 pm tonight”. If you ever think you’re done for the day and decide to pack up and leave, you know who meets you at the exit door.

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The Show Off

Leaves no stone unturned when it comes to showing off his capabilities or materialistic possessions. “This guy next to me brought half a dozen different Rubix cubes to work just so that he can show people he could do them all” says a mesmerised female colleague, clearly impressed by his antics. Also indulges in magnanimous flirtations with colleagues of opposite gender, primarily in the HR bay (where guys and girls are supposed to be a notch hotter than industry standards).

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The Ass Licker

Does anything to be on the good books of the manager. Spends more time in finding out when the manager comes and leaves, when he goes for coffee or when he is tied up in meetings than in doing actual work. Helps people because he wants to portray a good image and not out of genuine generosity. Could probably rise really high up the corporate ladder because hey, that’s how the Indian system works!

This article is not intended to hurt anybody. Despite that, if you relate to one particular category and get offended, you’re on your own.

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